When a girl has your dick in her mouth, what do you care if she speaks English or not?

Be sure to sit right in front of the girl you find attractive. Once you order your drink, wave her over to sit with you and have a ladies' drink, a special drink a bar girl gets a commission on. "What's your name?" "Where you from?" "You come holiday in Thailand?" "Where you stay?" (i.e., what hotel?), are some more of the common phrases many Thai bar girls can say in English. Beyond that, unless the girl is really a pro, the conversation usually dies out. Of course, as my good friend said, guys don't come to Thailand to make conversation, they come because the Thai girls are so incredible in bed. So, once you find a bar girl you are interested in fucking, how do you get her from the bar to your bed? What do you say? Before you take a Pattaya bar girl to your hotel, you need to screen her (and believe me, she will screen you). By that I mean you need to find out exactly what she will be willing to do once she gets to your room. Even more important, yon need to know what type of shape her body is in. Why is that? Because many of the girls who work in the outdoor beer bars are working there to support their child. This is the girl you generally want to avoid. Why? Because most Thai women who have kids suffer horrible damage to their breasts and stomach from the trauma of giving birth. As a result, no matter how beautiful she looks in the bar, when she drops her bra and panties in your hotel room, you will be very disappointed. Actually, you will be grossed out. I've been through it too many times, and I swear I will never again take a girl who has had a kid-unless she has a great face and I just want a blow job.

Dialogues with Pattaya Bar Girls

1.“Go hotel” or “Go Short time”(Thai: Bai Duay- literally means “Go together.”) These are the magic words to get a bargirl to come to your hotel to fuck.  I have yet to meet a bargirl who does not understand these two simple phrases.  They all know, “Go Hotel” or “Go Short time” means, “Let’s go back to my room to fuck.”  Most Thai girls will not spend the night with their customers, but stay just long enough for the customer to cum and they are out the door.  Hence the phrase, “short time,” as opposed to “long time” which means the girl will spend the night.

2.“How much you pay me?”(Thai: “Tao Rai?”) It is amazing how many Thai girls have mastered this one-liner in English.  Unfortunately, there are few freebies in Thailand.  You want to fuck, you must pay (isn’t that usually the case, anyway?)  When a girl asks me this, I like to turn it around and say, “How much you want?”  Usually the Thai girl already has a price fixed in her mind.  The going rate for an hour or two of sex in Pattaya is about 1,000 Baht, less than $25.  Some girls will fuck for less (I found a few real cute girls who would take 500 Baht) and a few exceptionally beautiful ones for more.  One girl asked me for 1,500 Baht.  She was gorgeous and she knew it.  If you want the girl to spend the entire night with you, the price usually goes up another 500 Baht($12) or so.

3.“You Smoke,” I would guess that only about ½ of the bar girls give oral sex, and the ones that do are usually fantastic.  Therefore, if you want a blow job, it is imperative that you ask if she sucks before hopping on to a taxi and taking a girl to your room.    All of the Thai girls understand the phrase, “You Smoke,” to mean, “Do you suck dick?”

4.“You have a baby?” (Thai: “Mee luke mai?”) This is the clincher!!!  All I can say is that if you plan to fuck a girl who has a kid, when she drops her panties, you will be very disappointed with her stretch marks.  My advice is “Avoid All Girls with Children!”  If the girl answers your question in Thai “Mee,” it means she has a kid and “Mai Mee” means she does not have a kid.  The word “Mee” literally means “have” and the word “Mai Mee” “No Have.” 

5.“Pay Bar” If a Thai girl says to you, “Pay Bar,”  she is making a  request to go with you to your hotel to fuck.  To take a Thai girl who is working at a bar back to your hotel, you must pay a fee to the bar, (call it an introduction fee, a Bar fine, since without the bar, you would not have met the girl).  The outdoor beer bars in Pattaya usually charge 200 baht (less than $5).  Once you pay the bar (just hand the money to the girl you want to go with), the girl will be free to go to your hotel to fuck.  These girls are generally not allowed to go with the customer unless he pays the bar fee (many girls will meet you after work, but since the bar closes so late, it is usually better just to pay right off the bat).  Now, understand this point well:  There are two fees that you must pay in order to screw the girl.