Dexterhorn's How to get your Filipina to the US

THE INS INTERVIEW: DOWNTOWN, L.A.

It was sometime after March 18, 1997 that Rowena and I was scheduled for our interview with the INS, in their downtown, L.A. office. We sat down in front of an INS consular and he asked us questions like in that movie, "Green Card". You know the one, with that fat ugly French actor with the big nose that allegedly was arrested for raping some underage girl. (Describing him was easier than spelling his name)
The INS interviewer asked us questions like "Do the both of you have joint checking accounts?" I told him no and explained to him that I don't believe in having that kind of arrangement of my finances. I know other married couples that are both U.S. citizens, born in this country, and THEY don't have joint checking accounts. Does that mean THEY are faking their marriage? Nevertheless, the consular let us slide for not having joint checking accounts.

Then he asked us if we have any telephone or utility bills both in our names. Again, I explained that I pay all the bills in the house and both telephone and utility bills have been in my name since I've been 18 years old. And again the INS guy was still o.k. with these arrangements.

I didn't give them a hard time but felt it wasn't any of their GOD DAMNED business how I choose to live, especially with my money. I got up out of my seat and double-checked the door to the office and read out loud, "This is the INS, not the IRS, for a minute there I thought I was in the wrong office." Surprisingly, the INS man appreciated my sarcasm. The man turned out to be human after all, plus being Filipino didn't hurt either.

I think he knew just from the few things that I showed him and the way I acted made him realize that Rowena and I were not committing any type of immigration fraud. But if he thought that there was some sort of "hanky panky" going on, he could have separated us and put us into separate interrogation rooms. They would then ask us questions like, "what's the color of your husband's toothbrush, and which side of the bed does your wife sleep on?" If they still don't believe you, they can order you to stand before a judge and you'd have to bring an immigration attorney to plead your case. So whatever you do, if you want to pass with flying colors, YOU'D BETTER KNOW THE FUCKING COLOR OF HER GOD DAMNED TOOTHBRUSH.