Dexterhorn's How to get your Filipina to the US

BACK HOME AND BORED SHITLESS

Me: Mom... Dad... I don't know how to tell you this but I got some pretty weird news to tell ya.

Mom: Aids? YOU'VE GOT AIDS? Our son has Aids!

ME: Mom, calm down, don't be ridiculous, I don't have aids. I always practice safe sex you know that. The condoms I use are the ribbed kind, extra strength, with the reservoirs at the end, they're the best!

Mom: "Eric my darling, thanks for sharing that with me but it's more than I'd liked to know about you."

Me: "So are you saying I should've left out the part about the reservoir? "

Dad: "What's a reservoir? I didn't know those things came in extra strength. You know when I was a kid, we never used extra strength, ribbed condoms with empty sacks at the end, we just wrapped a bunch of plastic wrap around our" ......

Me and Mom: "Thanks for sharing that with us but it's a LOT more than we'd like to know about you."

Me: "Hey, both of you listen to me already. I got married in the Philippines to a girl named Rowena, she's 20 years old and she'll be here in about 5 months." (On the other end I hear the phone drop and a loud thump.) What the hell was that noise?

Dad: "Your mother decided to take her afternoon nap"

Me: "But dad, it's only nine o'clock in the morning."